Recently the hubby and I have had a little tension in our relationship(yes, I am willing to admit it-- hiding it does no good). I tried to blame it all on him for working long hours and leaving me at home with the 10 month old. Of course it couldn't be my fault in any part! (*gasp*) Then I thought a bit more about it and realized he was working long hours because I want to be at home with the baby. Anyway, I was chatting with a friend and she recommended the book The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands by Dr. Laura Schlessinger The title is a little weird I know. I love the book. It has given me a lot to think about and some new insights I wouldn't have thought of on my own. For example she states that men are simple creatures they basically want: to be fed, have sex, provide for their family, know their wife is happy. Dr. Laura's philosophy is that if you "feed your husband properly" you will receive caring back ten fold.
There are so many ideas in the book. One I want to share is concerning the fact that we say our husband is not a good listener. I know I have repeatedly said this. She quotes a listener to her program:
I also believe that we as women talk too much in our conversations with our husbands. We say they never listen to us, but let's face it, we usually put in way too many details to keep them interested! (that is me for sure)
I mean, really, would you want to listen if they were telling you every detailed play that took place in a football game they'd seen? (OK so I might, but you get the point) I certainly would be bored silly if my husband did that. He can tell me if his favorite team won and he can even tell me a great play that was in the game, but any more than that, I would for sure start to zone out.
If we cut down on the details and ask them more questions about their day (without pressure for answers, though), conversations would become more two-sided and more pleasant.
This may not fit everyone. It sure fits me to a T. It is not the only problem my hubby and I face, but it is one area I know I can improve on. So, if you are not too proud to admit you may be part of the relationship problem--check this book out. You will be amazed how quickly a little bit of effort will help out. Things are already going much better for us.
There are so many ideas in the book. One I want to share is concerning the fact that we say our husband is not a good listener. I know I have repeatedly said this. She quotes a listener to her program:
I also believe that we as women talk too much in our conversations with our husbands. We say they never listen to us, but let's face it, we usually put in way too many details to keep them interested! (that is me for sure)
I mean, really, would you want to listen if they were telling you every detailed play that took place in a football game they'd seen? (OK so I might, but you get the point) I certainly would be bored silly if my husband did that. He can tell me if his favorite team won and he can even tell me a great play that was in the game, but any more than that, I would for sure start to zone out.
If we cut down on the details and ask them more questions about their day (without pressure for answers, though), conversations would become more two-sided and more pleasant.
This may not fit everyone. It sure fits me to a T. It is not the only problem my hubby and I face, but it is one area I know I can improve on. So, if you are not too proud to admit you may be part of the relationship problem--check this book out. You will be amazed how quickly a little bit of effort will help out. Things are already going much better for us.
